“BLOODY immigrants eh? They don’t come over here when it would be politically advantageous and then they capsize and drown in their hundreds at the most awkward times, it’s just plain inconsiderate.”

That, reading between the lines, is pretty much the government’s exact response to the appalling and preventable tragedy in the Mediterranean which saw an estimated 800 men, women and children drown as a direct result of EU policy.

And it wasn’t just the Tories either. Both they and Labour attempted a difficult juggling act yesterday of appearing rabidly xenophobic, blatantly jingoistic and yet at the same time feigning compassion for the suffering of the less fortunate.

It was obvious that Cameron and Miliband would mark April 23 by draping themselves in the cross of St George.

It’s about the only thing they can have a crack at without being soundly thrashed by Nicola Sturgeon and/or Leanne Wood.

Cameron wrote on Twitter: “Today is a day to celebrate all that makes England great, a day to feel pride for all that our country has given the world — from Magna Carta to the language of Shakespeare, from the industrial revolution to the worldwide web.”

Not to be outdone in the hypocrisy stakes, Miliband wrote that it was a day to be “proud of our country, of our ingenuity, our industry.”

Yes, absolutely. Let’s be proud of slavery, vicious colonialism.

Both of them conveniently glossed over the fact that St George happens to have been Turkish and that therefore under both parties’ immigration policies he wouldn’t be allowed into the country.

Rather unfortunate that, really.

For Ukip this was like all their birthdays come at once. Farage’s rabble accused the Establishment parties of “underplaying” the celebration and bemoaned the culture of “self-loathing” that meant people fear “benign patriotism.”

Yes, because when one thinks of Ukip, “benign” is obviously the word that springs to mind.

Asked what it meant to be English, Ukip “economics spokesman” (who knew they had one of those?) Patrick O’Flynn, replied: “Living in a country that is open, that’s fair, that’s decent and democratic.”

So nought for three then.

To paraphrase one of the Bard’s most famous speeches: “Cry ‘sod the harassed, England and ignore’.”