WE have to call for an end to strangulation.

Let that sink in. As women and girls, we have to ask, pretty please, not to be strangled.

This is the world we inhabit, now. This is where that great capitalism-on-steroids, the porn industry, has brought us.

Violence against women and girls is at epidemic levels, the experts say. Young women (and girl children) report that the sex expected of them involves humiliation, degradation, spitting and hands pressing hard around the throat. This is behaviour learned by men and boys, with their ease of access to porn.

Women and girls are threatened in pubs and clubs, on the street, and on dating apps. And in schools.

Again: is that sinking in? It’s not enough to worry about their studies, exam results, friends, and simply getting through a school day. 

Girls have to contend with groping, dick pics, or witnessing a female teacher harassed by primary school boys talking about “shagging up the arse.”

The latter comes from a survey last year by Unison and feminist campaign group UK Feminista.

VAWG is not an acronym, and I believe it should be said in full; everyone needs to hear those words. It’s violence, coming from a word meaning force, and it’s against women and girls. And yes, the vast majority of perpetrators are males. Got it? Good.

The term includes harassment, stalking, rape, sexual assault, murder, so-called honour-based abuse, coercive control and online abuse, involving cyberstalking, sexual harassment, grooming, revenge porn, rape threats, malicious use of women’s personal information, tech abuse in intimate partnerships, and much more.

So, what’s to be done? For Marxists (and others with a shred of humanity), there’s the conniption: should the state be our protector, in trying to govern over some sort of moral order, or shouldn’t we, as individuals with all this lovely free will, help get a grip on this situation?

The state, partly in the form of the public sector, is having a go. Local authorities are currently — along with bodies such as Transport for London and many universities — offering training in how to become an “active bystander.”

No, many people I asked this week didn’t get it, either. My usual street vox pops elicited comments such as: “Maybe it means being some sort of witness — but how?” and “I think you should just shout at someone doing something wrong,” and even “If I saw someone on the train, dissing a woman, I’d discipline him, right there.”

To be fair, none of these had had the free training on offer, throughout Britain. Richmond-upon-Thames council is one to embrace this idea, and its sessions are increasingly popular.

Councillor Katie Mansfield has the responsibility for this area, and is also somewhat burdened by the poisoned chalice title of White Ribbon Champion.

This notion has followed from red ribbons for World Aids Day, pink for breast cancer charities, and a myriad more.

The scores of women (and a few male allies) I’ve interviewed have said that this type of token gesture does little.

Mansfield is relatively new to the role, and she says: “First of all, it demonstrates allyship. It’s about prompting men into thinking about the things that they need to do, to help us — and about being aware that this laddish conversation, and behaviour — you know, we saw it with Sarah Everard perpetrator; he started off on WhatsApp groups, being misogynist and dismissive.”

A man wearing a white ribbon — it’s not going to change the world, but it’s a starting point.

Her role, as she sees it, is to start chipping away at this early, pre-criminal sexism. There’s a refreshing realism in her approach, engendering some optimism even in this cynical old hack.

I ask how she will get boys involved in this work.
“We’re talking to the local football club, the rugby union. Those boys aren’t going to come to us. We need to talk to them in a place that doesn’t make them feel judged.

“Young boys — I know, from other parents and being a parent myself — are online; Andrew Tate sucks them in, with sports cars and fitness — tells them all these awful stories about how rape is a woman’s fault. To me, that’s grooming, and we need to find a way into engaging with those young boys.

“That’s not going to come from a well-meaning middle-aged woman like me. But they listen to their sports coaches. It should come from people that they look up to and they respect. We can work with those people in our community.”

The training to be an active bystander was started a few years back, as part of the council’s overall plan to tackle the scourge of violence against women and girls.

It’s a fairly cautious approach, with some discussion about what stops us from getting involved, when witnessing a woman being hassled by a man in a bar, or on a train.

Most people I asked were worried about knives, “I could play the Good Samaritan, end up getting stabbed, and die,” said one 35-year-old man.

Women, of all ages, were concerned that they’d end up as a victim, if they tried to stand between an aggressive man and a female.

Mansfield’s take on this is empathetic, and practical. A risk assessment is vital, and “There are different ways you could intervene — but never, never put yourself at risk.”

Techniques include disrupting or distracting, by stepping in and chatting to the victim. There’s the sensible option to stay away, and call police.

As Mansfield says, it’s one element in a bigger plan. She’s evangelical about her role. All power to her.