THE Tories are giving away free money. That’s right, you heard!

A whole stall mainly staffed by spotty Tory Boy lookalikes has been dedicated to doling out big bundles of notes — and they’re experts in that.

I thought the Tories had created a currency especially for the micro-state they have created in Manchester.

A huge area around the centre has been fenced off to keep the locals out. After all, there’s not a single Tory councillor in Manchester.

But alas the nasty party haven’t had a change of heart.

They’re handing fake wonga (APR 1,000 per cent) out to snorts of amusement from their plum-voiced pals to highlight how Jeremy Corbyn wants to pay people a living wage. Hahaha!

The red £100 notes, grown on the money tree in Mr Corbyn’s allotment and stored in the Bank of Labour, are emblazoned with: “Print money, spend money, repeat.”

But a laboured joke (geddit?!) wasn’t going to stop the Star from sticking our nose in the Tory trough.

So off we trotted around the conference centre.

You’d be hard pressed to spend a tenner at a trade union conference.

An Owen Jones book you’ll have no time to read or the last egg and cress sandwich?

The Tories have more class than that, obviously.

With Britain’s richest people all in one place, the Knightsbridge department store Harvey Nichols has relocated to the “the north” along with half of Savile Row.

The ironically minded might also consider a donation to the Coalfields Regeneration Trust.

But we blew our wad from the Tory piggy bank on a copy of that book. Oink, oink.