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Vatican finds vast hoard of cash in accounts

The Vatican celebrated yesterday after the Pope’s economy tzar “found” hundreds of millions of euros stashed away in the accounts.

“We have discovered that the Vatican’s financial situation is much healthier than it seemed,” said Cardinal George Pell.

“Some hundreds of millions of euros were tucked away in particular sectional accounts and did not appear on the balance sheet,” he said, explaining how the papal bank was cleaning up its act.

The cardinal said changes were “designed to make all Vatican financial agencies boringly successful.”

He admitted that the Vatican was “not broke,” saying it was “paying its way, while possessing substantial assets and investments.”

After a campaign to weed out suspect accounts, he said the Vatican was determined to invest donations “efficiently and honestly.”

The centuries-old institution had been perceived by some as “sliding towards bankruptcy … incompetent, extravagant and easy pickings for thieves.

“Already this misapprehension is dissolving.”

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