If Scotland jumps ship next week, will shadow Scottish secretary Jim Murphy jump too? “Definitely,” says one former Labour frontbencher. “All the indications are that he’s leaving Westminster.” But would he find a seat? Selections for the Scottish parliament are already underway — and constituencies are drying up. “The Scottish party machine is still there and Murphy controls it,” says our insider. That’s us told. But it doesn’t seem he’ll be greatly missed.

Help! We last saw Left Futures editor Jon Lansman at Labour’s national policy forum in Milton Keynes. There, he had been denied an office in the conference centre and set up shop in a hired camper van outside. This time he’s got a room at the Holiday Inn — but he’s right above Liverpool’s Beatles Experience museum. “I had to endure three solid hours of the chart classics as I wrote my articles, yesterday,” he tells us. So cut him some slack and love, love him do.

Down at the Star lunchtime fringe, Prison Officers’ Association (POA) general secretary Steve Gillan told of the appalling staff shortages he’d recently witnessed at Liverpool clink. The CWU’s Andy Kearns was worried. “Steve won’t be the only union leader talking about his time in jail in 10 or 15 years time,” he warned.

Finally, Ronnie Cunningham of seafarers’ union Nautilus was the first to use a prop yesterday, pulling a piece of fruit out of his pocket to demonstrate Britain’s dependence on maritime imports. TUC president Mohammed Taj kindly exclaimed: “Thank you delegate for showing us your banana.”