Well, it’s been a seismic start to the year so far I’m sure you’ll agree and nowhere more so than in the British Parliament where there seems to be the distinct whiff of the last days of Pompeii pervading the government benches.

The starting gun has been officially fired on the general election and, like a gaggle of dementedly chafing fun-runners, the politicians are all jostling for position and adjusting their surgical supports for the road ahead.

However, the noble spirit of chariots of fire has been little in evidence so far, with the majority of our elected representatives seemingly spending most of their time trying to hobble the opposition rather than actually put in any effort themselves.

The Tories are very much at home when it comes to this kind of race and none more so than the hopefully soon-to-be-outgoing Chancellor.

Thus it came to pass this week that, rather than attempt to actually win the election, George Osborne spent most of his time setting ludicrously elaborate bear traps for the opposition.

His most spectacular wheeze was the announcement on Wednesday that he was planning to introduce legislation to force future chancellors to remain in credit.

If ever evidence was required that he doesn’t think he’s still going to be in the job come May, there you have it.

This is, after all, the man who has repeatedly failed to even vaguely balance the books for the last five years, passing all the blame onto the previous administration.

But how would this stroke of financial genius be achieved, I hear you ask.

Simple, according to Gideon. Just withhold public spending and keep it as “surplus” for a rainy day or, as seems more likely, a biblical deluge.

“There is no reason why Britain cannot be the richest major economy in the world,” he said, apparently with a straight face.

Well, I can think of one or two — the fact that we’re a poxy little island no-one gives a damn about being chief among them.

The fact that he keeps plundering the state to line the pockets of his chums in big business being a close second.

Meanwhile Cameron is on his much anticipated play date with Barack Obama, like two ki-s who share the same contagious illness and whose mothers stick them together so they don’t infect everyone else.

The purported reason for this junket is to discuss greater co-operation between Britain and the US on security issues.

Personally I don’t know why this pow-wow is necessary. We already have a tried and tested system in place. The US tells us what they want and we give it to them.

Innocent citizens to be tortured and detained without trial, unlimited access to our electronic data and, oh yes, our military installations to use as spy bases and to launch drone strikes on Yemen and Pakistan.

For “co-operation” read spineless capitulation and you’d be much closer to the mark.
Liam Fox (remember him?) however thinks much more can be done. This week the former defence secretary issued a clarion call for “a war on terrorism.”

Er, far be it from me to burst your bubble there Liam but I think that one’s been tried. Didn’t really work out too well as I recall.

Cameron of course was very excited about his trip. How many times do you think he stood looking in the mirror wearing a tux pretending to be James Bond?
“The name’s Cameron, Dave Cameron, license to shill.”

Of course he’s still hyped up from his odiously hypocritical attendance with selected other torturers, murderers and fascists at last weekend’s rally in Paris.

The sight of assorted world leaders posing at the head of a march condemning attacks on freedom of speech while simultaneously cracking down on dissent in their own countries and happily slaughtering civilians around the world was truly nauseating.

Still, Cameron doesn’t care. This is, after all, in all likelihood his farewell tour and like a smack-addled jazz musician on his last legs he’s going to play all the gigs he can to build up that retirement fund.

In particular he’s probably keen to cash in on that lucrative US after-dinner speaking circuit, much milked by his predecessor Tony Blair.

And speaking of Blair, like the old boy returning to his alma mater on speech day and then proceeding to slag everyone off, he once more hoved into view this week to offer his now traditional Judas kiss to Ed Miliband and Labour.

Ostensibly he was in the country to answer questions from the Northern Ireland affairs committee over the “on the runs” debacle.

Initially he had refused to attend the committee saying, he was too busy doing other things. Greasing up to despots and dictators, that kind of thing. Hey a guy has to earn a living.

But this was merely him playing hard to get.

He was no doubt delighted to be there giving him, as it did, the opportunity to yet again boast of his role in the peace process.

The on the run’s row is indeed a debacle but not in the way it has been represented in much of the media. There was no “amnesty” and the vast majority of those who received the letters had never been charged with or convicted of any offence.

Claims by unionist politicians that they were unaware of the scheme are entirely false.

The outrage is wholly manufactured for political effect.

Much like the evidence for invading Iraq.

Getting Blair back in the country to quiz him about the OTR’s is like getting Pablo Escobar into the dock and asking him about unpaid parking tickets.