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‘Scotland makes me angry. They wouldn’t like me when I’m angry’

The Paddy McGuffin column

“To intervene or not to intervene, that is the million dollar question.”

Thus almost quoth the Bard, one of the greatest exponents of the English language in history. In fact Shakespeare continues to inform much of the national argot whether we realise it or not. Particularly in terms of politics and diplomacy.

Sadly the same cannot be said of our transatlantic cousins.

I’m not saying that US politics and foreign policy are simplistic but I would point out that it can be handily summed up in one phrase, not from the Scribe of Stratford but one frequently uttered by one of Stan Lee’s comic book creations.

Basically it amounts to: “don’t make me angry. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.”

Yes that’s right, the Hulk. A seemingly mild-mannered individual who when his ire is provoked transforms into a rampaging green juggernaut hell-bent on destruction.

They even call their military the Green Machine.

The crucial difference of course is that in the Marvel comics the Hulk is always defending himself against persecution…

In the case of the US it’s not a case of an iron fist in a velvet glove but an iron fist carrying a club with sodding big spikes in it.

The art of diplomacy, as everyone knows, is to appear to be saying one thing while meaning the exact opposite.

Thus it was that this week the US stuck its oar in in the escalating row over Trident renewal in a manner as subtle as a brick through your window.

The timing of the intervention, just days after the Scottish Parliament voted overwhelmingly on Tuesday to call for the renewal of Trident to be scrapped is telling.

It also follows the long-overdue decision by the Scottish Labour Party to reverse its position on Trident at its annual conference last weekend.

Following the Holyrood vote, US State Department spokeswoman Julia Mason said: “We defer to the UK government on questions regarding UK domestic affairs and its national defence.

“We value the UK’s role as a strong Nato ally and its contribution to Nato’s nuclear deterrent.”

Riiiight…

Did they really think anyone would fall for that one?

That’s not a statement of support. That’s a blatant threat.

Let’s examine it line by line.

First: “We defer to the UK government on questions regarding UK domestic affairs and its national defence.”

This translates as: “We own your piss-ant country and never forget it. All we have to do is give the word and we could wipe you out of existence.”

Next up: “We value the UK’s role as a strong Nato ally and its contribution to Nato’s nuclear deterrent.”

Translation: “You’re either with us or against us and God help you if you’re against us.”

Not exactly up to Machiavellian standards is it?

But of course the US doesn’t have to be subtle because it is entirely confident of our spineless capitulation to its smallest whim.

And it has every reason to be confident. David Cameron is every bit as slavishly in thrall to power as Tony Blair continues to be.

This was graphically illustrated this week when the Tory leader extended the warmest of welcomes to yet another despotic megalomaniac.

Yes that’s right Egyptian military dictator Abdel Fattah el-Sissi received the full red carpet treatment at No 10. Which was convenient as it helped cover up all those awkward blood stains.

Even arch-Tories were somewhat uncomfortable with the invitation being extended to a man who has presided over mass show trials and executions and the detention of tens of thousands of opposition supporters.

But not Cameron, he’s made of much more pliable stuff.

His craven fawning would have embarrassed a jellyfish.

In fact it called to mind another line almost penned by the Bard.

“Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to shill for despotic arseholes with outrageous fortunes, or to stand up against a sea of troubles.”

I think we all know Cameron’s answer to that one.

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