“GOOD morning everyone!”

“Good morning Mrs — Dr! Bousted.”

Back in my day, the closest we came to cool in a school assembly was my head of year’s ill-fated attempt at kick-ups.

But times have evidently moved on. Snazzy slogans adorned the platform, rendered in what looked suspiciously like Comic Sans.

My London comp went wild when the fire alarm sounded — practically every day through pranks and faultiness. But at ATL High the directions to playground assembly points were calmly divvied out by chair of governors Mr (OK, union president Mark) Baker.

The break-time snacks, kindly provided by the parents’ association, were far superior too. Even in the internal exclusions suite where your humble correspondent was banged up with assorted education hacks.

To top it all, the biggest ticking-off went to Mr Baker himself — for refusing to read out a key amendment and, by his own admission, offending partially sighted delegates. Didn’t stop delegates in the previous session describing Nicky

Morgan’s rhetoric as “the blind denying that eyes even exist.”

Still, I could swear there was a bout of the coughing game after Mrs Bousted introduced aspiring town councillor Tristram Hunt to the kids. Some things never change.