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807.
Tim Key
“Scratch my back.”
“Twenty quid.”
I frowned like anything.
Twenty quid sounded so goddamn expensive.
That was what bugged me.
“Twenty quid” he said again.
I arched my back in the hope of catching my shoulder-blade against the coarse fibres of my Arran.
Anything to gain some relief without paying through the nose.
“Could you scratch it for any less than twenty quid, Malc?” I asked.
Malc smiled his toothy old grin.
I felt for my wallet in my handbag.
And I eyed Malc’s long nails.
And I gritted my teeth because it all itched so goddamn much.
Tim Key is an English comedian, actor and performance poet. In 2009 he was the winner of the Edinburgh Comedy Award and was also nominated for the Malcolm Hardee Award for Comic Originality. This poem originally appeared on his album ‘Tim Key. With a String Quartet. On a Boat.’
Well Versed is edited by Jody Porter.
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