A Scot’s Lament fur her American Fellows
(Oan their election of a tangerine gabshite walloper)
Lorna Wallace

America, aw whit ye dain?!
How could ye choose a clueless wain
Ti lead yir country? Who wid trust
A man sae vile?!
A racist, sexist eedjit
Wi a shite hairstyle?

Yet lo, ye votit (michty me!)
Ti hawn’ this walloper the key
Ti pow’r supreme, ti stert his hateful,
Cruel regime.
A cling ti hope that this is aw
Jist wan bad dream.

But naw, the nightmare has come true,
A curse upon rid, white an’ blue,
An’ those who cast oot Bernie
Must feel sitch regret
Fur thinkin’ Mrs. Clinton
Was a safer bet.

So noo we wait ti see unfold
Division an’ intolerance, cold;
A pois’nous bigotry untold
Since Hitler’s rule
As the free world’s hopes an’ dreams
Lie with this fool.

Alas, complainin’ wullnae change
The fact this diddy has free range
Ti ride roughshod ow’r human beings
That fall outside
The cretinous ideals borne of
His ugly pride.

Awch USA, we feel yir woes
An’ pour oor wee herts oot ti those
Who ken this oarange gabshite isnae
Who they chose,
But jist sit tight; Trump’s cluelessness
Will time expose.

Fur sittin’ there beside Obama
Efter the election drama,
Trump looked like reality
Had finally hit:
Aboot the role of president
He knew Jack shit.

Poutin’, glaikit through this farce,
His mooth wis pursed up like an arse,
His Tangoed coupon glowin’ like
A skelped backside.
Despite all his bravado
Trump looked keen ti hide.

Let’s therefur no despair an’ greet,
Or see this outcome as defeat.
Let’s wait an’ watch this bampot
Flap his hawns an’ squirm
When presidential pressures
Crush him like a worm.

Hawd oan ti values you hold dear,
Don’t let this numpty bring yi fear,
His chants of hatred don’t speak fur
The human race.
Love will endure despite this
Oarange-faced disgrace.

So USA, in ma conclusion,
Know we Scots feel your confusion:
We are also chained ti those
Not of oor choosin’.
Stand firm fur unity will break
Through Trump’s delusion.

This poem won the Robert Burns Poetry Competition in New Zealand. 

Lorna Wallace is 24 years old and currently work in her mum's fabric and wool shop. She studied English with Journalism and Creative Writing at the University of Strathclyde in Glasgow, and in her third year (at the beginning of 2014) she decided to set up a poetry blog to go along with her coursework.

Lorna has always loved Robert Burns' work and can't think of anything more expressive and heartfelt than the Scots dialect. For her, it conveys a warmth and honesty unlike any other.

In January 2014 Lorna wrote her first ever Burns inspired poem, 'Tae A Selfie', which went viral on Facebook and Twitter overnight and was published in the small poetry magazine, 'Poetry Scotland'. Excerpts were also published in The Times. Since then it's also been published in the poetry anthology, 'Funny Ha-Ha: Funny Peculiar' by Bloodaxe Books.

Lorna's interest in Burns stems from learning about him in primary school and falling in love with the dialect and rhythm of his writing. She also thought it would be fun to imagine the things he'd write about if he were alive today (cue her poems about selfies, social media, student living and politics).

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