- D:Ream’s Things Can Only Get Better is a must-hear at all the “moderate” discos during Labour conference.

But word has it the memory of September 12 was too raw in the memory of some at Usdaw’s bash on Sunday night.

Especially when enthusiastic Corbynistas began to belt out: “Things/can only get Jezza/now I found you!”

Labour’s “far centre” got the last laugh though when final slot was given to a track that will ever divide Labour in the era of the “new politics” — God Save the Queen.

- The Star led with news yesterday that members had not chosen to debate nuclear weapons.

If it was the major blow to Corbyn’s leadership that the right-wing press suggested, nobody had told the leader’s office.

When the Star caught up with one senior staffer hours after the story broke, he enquired: “What day is Trident being debated?”

- Corbyn was quicker off the mark when Councillor Candy Atherton’s wheelchair got stuck on stage after a speech.

The former MP, who dubbed herself “the out-of-condition woman who beat Seb Coe,” found her wheelchair was trapped under the lectern as she tried to exit stage left.

Corbyn rushed to free the comrade with shadow chancellor John McDonnell.

“How about that for a hands-on leader?” said chair Paddy Lillis.

- They say you should start a speech with a joke.

But some delegates have mistaken that old adage as an invitation to divulge their sexual history on stage.

One first-time delegated declared: “I’m not really a virgin, but I am a virgin speaker.”

Another younger member revealed that it was his first conference he had attended since he hit puberty.

“Thank you delegate, we hope everything is in the right place now,” quipped MP Keith Vaz.