In something of a departure we begin this week with the latest exciting news from the world of geological and topographical calculations.

Now this column is aware that to many this may seem like an oxymoron akin to “military intelligence” or “compassionate conservatism.”

But all it would say is that, first, you would be wrong and, secondly, you have obviously never offended a room full of geologists.

When they get angry they don’t pelt you with rotten fruit…

But, as usual, I digress.

It has been announced this week that Britain’s tallest mountain Ben Nevis has “grown” according to new calculations taken by Ordnance Survey experts and is actually one whole metre higher than previously thought.

Chancellor George Osborne immediately rushed out a statement rejecting the suggestion and claimed that the mountain had in fact shrunk and, not only that, would continue to shrink year on year until at least 2020.

Of course, like Britain’s GDP, Ben Nevis hasn’t actually grown it’s just that its height has been miscalculated for years.

And let’s face it that is something Osborne knows all about.

This year marks the 400th anniversary of the death of Miguel Cervantes, author of what many regard as the first novel — Don Quixote.

The eponymous “hero” of the book is a famously deluded individual who believes himself to be a knight errant on a noble quest to save damsels in distress and slay giants, while in actuality blundering through life tilting at windmills reliant on his “squire” Sancho Pansa to keep him out of trouble.

The reason for the novel’s enduring appeal is that Quixote is a naturally sympathetic and empathetic character — both a heroic failure and an allegory for the human condition.

Osborne is the anti-Quixote.

He’s every bit as deluded but utterly lacking in nobility, empathy or even common decency.

Rather than charging into battle with imaginary giants, his lance is firmly tilted at the imaginary evils of the welfare state.

It was Mark Twain who famously said that there were three kinds of lies: lies, damn lies and statistics.

To which this column has long argued it would be fitting to add a fourth category, namely anything coming out of a government spokesman’s mouth and Osborne in particular.

And never more so than this week. As the fallout from the Budget continues to rain down on beleaguered party apparatchiks they are fast running out of ways to distance themselves from the government’s fascistic policies while at the same time not outright contradicting them.

When it comes to the employment of terminological inexactitude and obfuscation this mob have still got a lot to learn, which is surprising considering how much practice they’ve had.

The last 48 hours have been a full on fire-fighting effort. Which is ironic considering they are currently cutting fire and rescue service resources to the bone.

Thus we had such gems as the work and pensions minister claiming that they weren’t REALLY cutting disability benefits that will see hundreds of thousands cruelly hit to the tune of thousands of pounds per annum.

No, said mouthpiece waffled, they weren’t cutting, they were just not putting as much money in anymore.

Hmmm… Applying that particular brand of dubious logic and turning it on its head, I can say hand on heart that I don’t trust the government any less than I did last week it’s just that there are even fewer occasions when I believe them.

After that decidedly half-arsed gambit somewhat predictably failed to pour oil on the turbulent waters, they brought out the big guns.

Who then promptly proceeded to chuck a jerry can of petrol on the flames of what by now had become a raging inferno of public indignation.

Education Secretary Nicky Morgan was hauled into the TV studios to claim that Osborne’s plans to slash the personal independence payments (PIP) on which many thousands of disabled people rely to boost their standard of living to a vaguely acceptable level were not hard and fast policy but merely a “suggestion.”

Oh really?

So, we have a senior Cabinet minister telling the public that a key plank of the government’s fanfare financial statement is merely based on whimsy.

Well Ms Morgan, not to put too fine a point on it, I think you know what you and Osborne can do with your suggestions.